Finding My Creativity
... and turning down the noise
When I was seven, my cousin and I would obsessively watch a VHS of the Nutcracker. The sugar plum fairies skipping across the stage inspired us to create our own dances in the lounge room and force the family to watch.
When I was eight I dressed up in my leotard and made mum take photos that I could use in my portfolio in my future career as a prima ballerina. Meanwhile, my brother would create performances with our neighbour on the backyard trampoline and my job was to get the audience there - the whole street would come and watch their tricks, flying from the trees onto the trampoline (this was the 80s so there was no safety fence) to woops of joy and awe.
At 11 i helped my mum in the craft workshops she would run, creating Christmas wreaths and raffia hats.
These are just some moments that i look back on now as I struggle with the idea of finding my creativity. I have always worked in creative fields, though was always the first to say - I’m not an artist! I look back now and realised i always have been an artist… in some way. Just not in the way that’s expected.
Arts, culture and creativity are at the core of everything I do. I saw my first show at four years old and now, over 40 years later i look back on a diverse career and passion in film, theatre, visual arts, ideas and dance.
More recently, in a career move that gave me a true understanding of work life balance, alongside some pretty serious health concerns, i’ve found myself searching for a creative outlet. I always wanted to be able to paint or draw. Or play an instrument like most of my family members. Or write, act, direct, make theatre. I wished i had continued my dancing training beyond 10 years old (i was so passionate about it but moving so often made it difficult). As i don’t do any of these things - i often say i am not creative. I don’t have an artistic practice.
I’ve decided to take the plunge. After an attempt at turning my hand to drawing and just finding it boring, i’m giving writing a chance. But not writing a novel or my memoir (there are enough books out there written by my family members).
I’ve started this substack as a way to write ideas and thinking about approaches to creativity. This substack will act as a place to post my podcast that I’m working on. This podcast, Here Goes Nothing, is about talking to people about their relationship with the arts and its impact on their lives. I’ve recorded four episodes and just thinking about when to release…
I’m also writing a play. I’m not writing the play to be performed, but more for the act of writing the play. The play is a way for me to express how I feel about my health and the necessary pointlessness of ongoing treatment that has no end. I could have journaled about it but theatre is where my heart is and feel it is the best way to express how I feel. Will anyone read it? Maybe. But it’s the act of writing that is important for me.
This is the same for the podcast - i’m having these conversations and creating the podcast as a way to express creatively and if there’s an audience for that, then great. But it’s not the driver.
Creativity is so essential to who we are as human beings. As they say - the arts might not save lives but it makes lives worth saving.